why didnt anyone slap me?????

Through this journey of weight loss, I have been looking at old pictures of myself.And the one thing that blows my mind is.......WHY DIDNT ANYONE SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF ME?!?!?!  

I was so out of control! I never looked at myself in the mirror cause i was in such denial.I knew i was getting big but HOLY COW! I guess the whole size 16 pants and stuffing my face with chocolate ice cream should have been a crying out for self help! I know having kids gave me an excuse to be fat, but after a year, i should have been more cautious about myself.I felt pretty, so i just let it happen.

This is what i looked like.

  UGGHHHHHHHH! yeah!

I WILL NEVER BE THAT BIG AGAIN!

Ive been really working hard.Ive cut out all junk!! No more chips, sodas, sweets, or my favorite....chocolate ice cream :(

I love food, its so hard to want to eat smaller portions. I wish my metabolism was better.I wish i could eat eat eat and not worry about my weight.My body just doesnt work that way.....

BUT.

I absolutely love working out.

I love to walk in there, the whole atmosphere.The machines, the sounds.People really getting into it.I love to get on that machine, music in my ears and ready to kick ass.I push myself hard.I just dont go there and kinda work out, do a mile here and there.NO! i put that baby on high incline and work it..2...3 miles, i lift weights (not bodybuilder weights, just enough to tone up)

I love to forget about my problems, i dont think about my life, i dont think about anything but losing weight.I encourage myself, i tell myself to push, to go higher, go faster, go longer. I push myself cause i dont wanna think about anything else. I dont wanna dwell on shit in my life.It takes me away.Its part of my healing process. My self healing process.

This is what i have accomplished so far.

Thats the same dress!!!!!!!!

Im started about about 210.

Im down to 155!

I still have another 20lbs to lose to get to my goal weight of 135.

I got this!

i can do it cause im strong.

i can do it cause i want to be healthy.

i can do it cause i know im beautiful inside.